The Church 1st May Second Ever Kiss...

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The arrival...

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I'd been planning on getting back to the church for a while. I wore black Jeans, with the skirt I'd got at the swaparama last month over it, a blue T-shirt, my heart necklace and my pink hat. I got a lift to Kentish Town from a mate, in return for having to quickly learn how to read an A to Z I didn't do a bad job of it tbh and we were there in good time.

We had a bite to eat (and a Red Bull for me) and met up with another mate who'd come in a great purple pimp hat, and entered the church ready for an afternoon of drunken shenanigans...
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Starting Out...
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Once inside, I met up with a few more guys. I'd also took along me Kermit the frog doll, so I started out by dancing out with the lads, and occasionally going over to random girls using the give Kermit a kiss gambit.
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The Kiss Closes...
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I got a load of Kiss closes, using "I'm going to kiss you..." then going in for the kiss if she doesn't say no, this would usually be after using kermit or dancing with them for a bit. I did this about 20 odd times, and got about 7 or so snogs, not to mention all the girls that were happy to kiss me on the lips but not snog.

I can't be bothered to go through each one, and tbh I can't remember them all but the general way it when was:

Open either by grabbing them and dancing with them or using kermit. I was getting better results from the former, mainly because several people had poured beer down his throat so he was a bit scanky by this time.

Go I'm going to kiss you, and go in for the kiss

Leave after the kiss, as it felt a bit weird trying to ask for their name, vibe with them, after already having kissed them. Part of this was the above, which is something I'm just going to have to plough through next time, but also because I was getting some validation from kissing lots of girls, hence wanting to move on and kiss someone else. Which isn't that good tbh

A few worth mentioning:

I was talking to a group, I can't remember what about now, and I felt someone grab my arse. So I turned round and asked who did it. A girl was pointed out by the group, so I grabbed her and said "I'm going to..." and you can guese what happened next. Whilst I was doing this, someone stole Kermit, I didn't see who did it or where they went as i was orally entwined at the time...

Outside the...

We left the church together and went drunkenly down the street, stopping to chat to any girls on the street on the way. We was approached by three girls and one of them said

Her:"You've kissed both my friends this afternoon..." then she looked me in the eye
Her: "You don't remember do you...?"
Me: "No."
Her: "I have to get a photo of you kissing my friends.."

Then I kissed them both while she took photos
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Drunk at McShite...
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We went to McDonald's just down the road and whilst queuing up a fit Brazilian came in holding Kermit, so I grabed him off her and said:

Me: "So, you're the one that stole him"
Her: "No, I found him in the street, honest"
Me: "Well he's mine" *I turn my back on her and put Kermit into my chest as if sheidling a rugby ball*
Her: "No, He's mine" *grabs me from behind and starts trying to get kermit off me*

After a bit I didn't care enough so just gave him up, although having her hump me from behind for a minute or so was fun

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Funny Looks in Camden of all places...
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We were going to be going to the Shepard's Bush Walkabout, but one of the guys decided we were going to Camden market. Whilst at Camden I picked up some good T-Shirts one with Borat saying "I like Sex, it's nice...", one with John Clease and "Don't mention the War Written on it", one with two AT-ST from star wars mounting each other and one bright yellow one, which I'm currently wearing with a pair of white jeans, which has The Jamaican Ministry of Agriculture (with a logo subtly hinting at drugs/weed). Oh and I also got a gold and silvery belt which I put on over the t-Shirt like a sash.
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Conclusion
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It was a fun afternoon, however I think all those kisses I got meant very little to me. So I doubt getting a load of random snogs like this would be something I'm going to aim to do on a regular basis

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27th April 2007

On Friday night me and some mates went down to a strip bar in Euston. We got in and sat down in the corner, ordered drinks, at this point I was feeling nervous and awkward, as I'd never been to a strip bar before and I had no idea what to do, other than just sit there. So some lap dancers came and sat down with us.

I was struggling to think up things to say to her, something I've not really done (or at least not this bad) for quiet a while. I only had about 15 quid on me after paying 15 quid to get in. So generally it was the girl doing most of the talking at the start, I did okay considering the circumstances, apparently she has a season ticket for arsenal. (So thats what you need to do to get one :) )

Her doing most of the talking and initiating kino, and trying to game me into paying her for a lap dance. She left after a bit of silence, and probably because she realised I wasn't going to buy a dance, she leaves, so the other girl who was talking to buster turns and starts talking to me, so I do the same as I did before, however this time, because I thought that if I told them that I wasn't going to be having any dances that they wouldn't want to talk to me, so when I asked if I was going to have any dances I replied maybe.

When she heard this she escalated, and putting her hand down my shirt and playing with my nipples, when asked for a dance I said, "I don't have much money, What do I get for 2p?" Which pissed her off, she looked me straight in the eye and said "I may only be worth 2p, but you're only worth 1p" whilst looking daggers into my eyes, then buggering off. Not the greatest thing to have ever passed my lips lol.

I was sat next to a mate and he asked me why I wasn't talking to any girls, and I said "I dunno" although the truth was that I was just sitting there waiting for one of them to come and talk to me, as I didn't feel comfortable going to approach in this place, and nor did I want to be talking across to the one that was talking to him.

So a French girl comes up and the same thing as before happens and she asked if I wanted to she her flower, and by this time it approaching midnight when I'd have to leave, so I thought fuck it I'd have a dance (seeing as I probably wasn't going to be coming back soon), I ended up having two as after she'd finished the 1st dance, she asked if I'd like another (and I was rock hard) so I said yes.

In all it was a fun night, and the strip club was an experience and although I was nervous and a bit self-conscious in there it was good to push my comfort zones a bit, and it'll probably make it easier to fluff talk with girls now I've done it with half naked ladies. The lap dance wasn't half bad either.

27th April 2007 - Swaparama Again...

I started off by grabbing a pink dress, putting a black woman's top over it, as well as a pillow case on my head so I looked like an Osama Bin Laden cross dressing. I gradually got into the dancing move by starting off slow, ie just moving my hips a little go get into the mood and soon I was on the dance floor dancing pretty tamely, but getting more and more high energy as the night went on.

The Blonde...

A blond girl opened me about the dress, I think she sounded Australian. We swapped the pair of jeans I had around my neck for a cravat thingy she had on. As she put it around my neck, I told her "I could use someone in my life to help me get dressed"

I danced with her a bit, spinning here a bit, she was having fun and was laughing at just about everything I said. She then pulled away from me, and made one of those dancy come over her gestures (like the "Bring it on" one from the matrix), my response was to turn my back on her and shake my arse at her. She came right back over and got her mate to take a photo of us.

The then left her (My idea at the time was that I didn't want to be too needy and stick to her like glue) and went around the dance floor for a bit, danced with some other girls briefly. I then (after about 5 or 10 mins) went back to her and said:

Me: "Do you know who you remind me of in that lovely necklace?" (she was wearing a pearl necklace)
Her: "No, Who?"
Me: "Marge Simpson"
Her: "hahahaha" *whilst kino'ing me*

At this point, I left her again and went around the dance floor. Deep down I know I left because I had no idea of what to do/say next.

Snow White...

I wasn't really saying anything to start a conversation, they were either coming up to me, or I was going up to them and just dancing with them. This is what I did to a black girl. We were having a great time on the dance floor, me spinning her, and her moving in close so her tits were up against my chest as much as possible. She could probably feel my wood at this point, but I didn't pull out let her feel it...

By this time I'd swapped a flowery shirt with her for her blue summery dress, so I was wearing that as well as a tiara with flashing lights that I'd acquired earlier.

I talked with her a bit, when I asked her for her name she told her name was snow white, so that's what I'll call her from now on. We talked for a bit, I tried to get a K-Close with the "how good a kisser are you routine", she said "Not in public" (ie yes in private ), then she said she wanted to go to the bar for a drink and a rest. I said "Ok, See you around and kino'ed her as I left".

MILF Stalker...

When I was moving around the dance floor, a MILF (about 30 something) turned to face me and immediately starting giggling like a naughty school girl, I asked her and her friends whether or not she'd been abusing the laughing gas. She then told me that she'd turn around as she'd mistaken me for her mate (well I was wearing a dress )

I didn't really say much to them as I'd no idea what to say to her, as I wasn't sure what I could say to her as my usual material for when I have no Idea what to say

I left here and continued moving around the dance floor as I was looking for Snow White to re-open her, so I was dancing at the other end of the dance floor, and I turned round to see the MILF and her friends and moved and were dancing right behind me. The MILF opened me:

MILF: "Are you following me?"
Me: "No, I came over her to dance and you followed me"

I should have called her a Stalker and tried to do a role-play on her. ie "Great, I've always wanted a stalker... How are you going to stalk me?".

Austin Powers Dance...

Later on some girl just grabbed me, by both my hands and started dancing with me, when they'd just started the song from Austin Power, doing some of the moves I'd learned at salsa occasionally, she was very high energy and was up against me pushing her tits into my chest and generally getting as close as possible. After the song finished, she was in my arms and looked me in the eye and with a smile said "I'm really drunk". At this point I should have snogged her...

Snow White Again...

I saw Snow White standing at the bar, so I went over to her, we chatted for a bit. Then I took her by the hand and led her to a spot behind the benches at the back. There we chatted for a bit. Found out a bit about her, she's a south African Immigrant, been in the country 5 years, is 2 days older than me and left South Africa because "it's a shite hole". At this point we exchanged numbers...

I went to the bar to get a drink, and I danced with her again, but by this time It was midnight, and I had to leave for the last train, I said my goodbyes, gave her peck on both cheeks, then one on the lips, she seem surprised by this, but was still warm as I left. I told her I'd send her a text some time, and she told me to make sure I put Snow White in it so she knows it's from me.

I had already decided that I wasn't going to go to any more bootcamps just going to continue going out regularly, face fears and meet new people. However, I saw an advert to do the pilot for a TV show that would not be aired about t, I thought I had nothing to lose so applied, and they chose to use me out of 50 people that had e-mailed him about it.

I went to meet up with them, in their flat just off Leicester Square, I was interviewed by the producer/director on camera telling them pretty much what has been written in this blog.

Then they brought a woman in, her below to be exact:



and got me to talk to her, which was generally me looking around the room and not being able to think of anything to say and generally being awkward.

Then the media people interview me, and then the instructors gave me some advice on conversation skills, body language and also how to relax if nervous.

Then I had to talk to her again, and this time we had a pretty good conversation about random shite, I made her laugh quite a bit and it was generally a lot better.

There was also a few more exercises I did with her about holding eye-contact, and not being nervous around attractive women, for example I had to tell her she was sexy over and over again, something I'd never done before. Even with that girl I met at the church I didn't do this even when she was feeling up my crotch (even if the massive boner said it all)

I am also now pretty comfortable with holding eye-contact with other people, and whenever this happened before some part of me would assume they were staring at me thinking something bad about me (probably because this is what it meant at school), hence eye-contact would usually make me uncomfortable. If people were looking at me I would have probably asked them what they were looking at, which is not good really...

Then we went out with the camera, with me wired up with a microphone and got me to approach some random people on the street, in which I got nervous what with the camera following me around and I got the same sort of results I usually get, i.e. minute long conversations not really going anywhere.

We went out after we'd finished filming for a drink in Tiger Tiger, and had a good time chatting to random people, of particular note I chatted to a fit blonde from south London for about 10 or 15 minutes, and this was a fun conversation with me just talking without worrying about what I should say. We ended up discussing which animal should be brought back from extinction. That's probably the longest I've ever been in conversation with a girl, as I would usually just leave when I couldn't think of anything to say.

I've probably learned more in my few hours of actual teaching I got from the instructors there than I did in all of the other bootcamps I've been to.

14th April 2007 - Another Bootcamp...

I arrived at a conference room in kings cross for an afternoon of lectures. I'd been on similar bootcamps and read just about anything I could get my hands on, so which there was some useful information, I'd heard before.

In the evening we Tiger Tiger and got in there quite early, I was a bit nervous as I've never been in there before. After I'd got comfortable I was able to talk to random people, but I would leave quickly as I would run out of things to say. That's pretty much the level I was at coming on the bootcamp.

By the end of the evening I was staying in set for a couple of mins using quite dull questions such as what's your name, etc, ect. I think the instructors were opening their own sets a little too much and were not really that helpful, in fact I got the most help, support and advice on the night from Craze's (on of the blokes running it) brother who'd tagged along. It should be noted in fairness it did take me quite a while before I was approaching without being pushed, and I should have been more proactive.

The next day we went to the church I'd been here a few times before so I arrived all peacocked up, wearing a frilly skirt over my jeans as well as a pink hat, I was in a very good frame/mood looking forward to the fun and silliness that you find in the church. It was great in there to start off with, I was clinking cans and high five'ing random people, dancing and singing along to song and just generally having fun.

I had to leave the group in order to open some sets as just about any girl that came close to the group was immediately grabbed by craze, and those who were not were generally with the other students, that did not have any hesitation about going up and dancing with a girl. At this part of the bootcamp the instructors got shit-faced, and were not really there to help student but to get pissed.

I went back to the bootcamp group, earlier in the sarge craze had put a can of cider in my hand, I put this down on the sideboard, so after I been back with the group for a bit craze came up to me for the can of cider, then grabbed a can of beer off me and told me to go get the cider and have that. This was done in such an aggressive way that it made me feel about 2 inches tall, and took me back to very painful memories from being bullied at school. I left the group close to tears.

I went away from the group, and stood with a couple of guys I knew that I bumped into and hanging around with them took my mind off it a bit and after 15 minutes I went back to group and asked one of the other guys for help, this improved my state of mind a bit, but any time I saw craze I felt awful. I was just standing around feeling miserable while everyone else was having fun, some girl tired to steal my hat, usually I would act playfully with her, but I just grabbed the hat back and gave her a dirty look. With that I realised that staying was just going to make things worse for me so I left early.

So I certainly would not recommend the alpha interactions bootcamp, and this stands ad the only really negative experience I've had with guys from the LSS, and the only entry of this blog that has been difficult to write about really, as although there are plenty of cock ups and oddities to be written about, they are mostly funny if a little embarrassing.

29th March 2007 - Wearing a Dress...

I went for a night out at a slightly wacky club night in old street, where you swap clothing every time they sound a klaxon. I think this describes it well...


Nearly Didn't show

When I finished work on the night, I had a headache and felt completely knackered. Normally I would go to the gym after work but I just could not be arsed. I got home at about 6 planning on cancelling the night out and relaxing in front of the telly, to this end I went out and got some beers in and got the ingredients for a curry.

Having a beer and cooking the curry chilled me out, so after I'd finished cooking it and had eaten it I didn't feel nearly so bad, and when I got my phone out to text guy about me flaking on him. I though fuck it, got a can out of the fridge and left in what I was wearing (Jean/T-shirt).

After spending an hour on the tube and having drunk two cans of larger (which is soon to become illegal :( ), I was in dire need of a piss, nearly on the verge of pissing my pants, with there being no pubs immediately outside the station I was forced to have a piss in someone's doorway...

Arrival/Early

I met up with guy and the others in a nearby bar, they finished their drinks and we went across the street to the venue. It was quite nervous at the start, and generally stayed with the other blokes I was with. I took a girls top, one of those ones with a couple of straps that show the tits, which I put on over my T-Shirt, I think they're referred to as 'boob tubes'...

I didn't really dance with that much enthusiasm, as I was still a bit inhibited just staying on the group jiggling a bit, I didn't really go and talk to anyone outside the group I was with execpt when It was time to swap something. Speaking of which I had a hairband with a model peacock on the top at one point, which was fun, but was bloody uncomfortable to wear.

Middle - Getting Started

After a while I got into the mood and was dancing with quite a bit of energy not really caring what others were thinking of me, and generally swapping for the most wacky stuff I could get my hands on. Highlights include a pear of ripped jeans which I put on my head, pear of Y-Fronts which again went on my head (Don't worry they hadn't been worn... Or at least I hope not), Superman cape, an old ladies night dress, Oh and bandana, which I put over my face like a bandit.

In short I was having fun and enjoying myself, at this point but I was still not dancing with any girls, I noticed that one of the guys I came with was doing well, so when I got the chance I asked him for his advice, which was very complex, just go right up to them and dance.

Later - Fuck Yeah!

Toward the last hour to hour and a half or so of the night (I had to leave at 12 to get the tube out to Essex), I swapped a colourful skirt for a green one with sequins all over it. Just about all the girls in the club were trying to get there hands on it.

I generally used this to tease them :) ie "It's my skirt, and you're not having it", most of them would give me the puppy dog eyes, and start begging, So I would tell them no like you'd tell a 5 year old "No more sweets".

They then put on some heavy metal track so, I now fully in the mood and pumped up started jumping up and down, and jumped into an LSS bloke, which led to a load of others joining, including a really fit bird and there being a mini-mosh in the middle of the dance floor.

I then took the advice I was given and just started dancing with random girls, no one refused that they all danced with me for at least a minute or two, obviously some more so than others. There was a group of three black girls whom when I did this to them immediately put their arms around me and started grinding me in turn.

One of them was wearing a purple pimp hat, and as we danced she was grinding me, facing me with her tits rubbing on my chest as we danced, but this time I had a massive boner. I went in to kiss her but as I moved in my head got blocked by the rim of her massive purple hat, so I then bottled it.

Unfortunately, the clock struck 12 and I had to leave in order to catch the last tube home. I pissed around with the girls in the queue for the cloakroom, asking "does my bum look big in this?". I left and found my way back to Old Street tube station and when down to the Northern Line platform.

Who was there? Those three black girls, I went up to then and said something like "long time no see". They all wanted to get the skirt off me, and I carried on doing what I was doing refusing to give it to them playfully, although by this time the replies and become more along the lines of "maybe if you're very good girls...". The girl in the pimp had started touching me up, at first rubbing her hand on my chest which later had her leaning in to me and rubbing my arse, and every now and then pleading for the skirt. Her friends started to take the piss a bit "5 quid and she's all yours", "she's wearing the pimp had but she really the ho". However, I still bottled it as I think I should I have kissed her when she was doing this, or at least got her number.

We got on the train and they were asking me to guess how old they all were. I guessed the on in the pink hat at 20 (she looked around 27), one (looked 25) as 52, and the other one (looked 24) as 82. They asked me if I was on myspace, I said yes but didn't get their details (I really should have).

It was a fucking excellent night regardless, and I was still buzzing the next day at work dispite being at work and only having two hours sleep...

My First Kiss... 12th March 2007

I went to the church wearing Jeans/T-Shirt, as well as an alice band in my hair, the pink hat, and a orange heart pendant/necklace that I got whilst at lakeside aka "The Medallion". I also had a frog doll that I 'acquired' last time I was there

We hit the dance floor, had a great time just pissing around and dancing. I had a few girls talk to me about either the pink hat or the Kermit doll, take photos with Me and generally dicking about and having a laugh, etc, etc.

An Australian girl came over and asked me something about the pink hat and we have a photo taken together with her wearing the hat, I took this opportunity to get her e-mail so I can get the photos e-mailed to me. I got back to dancing with the group or so, then I talked to her again with the something about the Kermit doll, and had another photo taken, this time though she was sticking her tongue out for each picture.

One of the guys that I was out with whispered into my ear that she looked really into me, and that I should try kissing her. I was a bit nervous about this, So I looked her in the eye, and she was looking back in with puppy dog eys. I then decided to go for it, and kissed her for what seemed like ages.

We got separated as she went to tell her friends, and I went off to the lavvies to make use of the rubber johnny machine, I found her again, we snoged some more, by this time her hands were all over me, rubbing my crotch, the inside of my leg and my arse.

I went her and her friends on the tube to The Redback Tavern in Acton Town, another dive aimed at assuie much like the church and walkabouts really. All the way there on tube we were snoging and touching each other. She also sat on the floor, massaging my leg and cuddling it, as well as moving up for a feel of my crotch occasionally.

At the Redback it was pretty much the same as I've described before, with her saying things such as "You can't be English, you're too cute", "you have a great arse", ect, ect. However, after a couple of hours, it sort of petered out as I was a bit unsure of where (well I say, where I really mean how) to take it from here, that I was probably a bit needy, so she went to the toilets and didn't come back.

After than I made my way home, and had a stinking hanger over in the morning, drinking snakebites on a Sunday is not a good idea :P